Cookery by Crookery

A hot take on the classic crustless cucumber tea sandwich care of Gemini.

Yields

Approximately 12–16 small tea sandwiches (depending on the size of your bread and cutters).

Ingredients

Component	Quantity	Notes
Cream Cheese (full-fat)	4 oz (half a block), softened	Provides necessary richness and mellows the tang.
Soft Goat Cheese (Chèvre)	4 oz, softened	The key tangy element.
Fresh Dill	3 Tbsp, finely chopped	Essential for the herbal, earthy flavor.
Lemon Juice	1 tsp	A small squeeze to keep the spread bright.
Salt and White Pepper	To taste	White pepper is preferred for a cleaner appearance.
English Cucumber	1 large	Essential: Use a mandolin for paper-thin slices.
Soft White Pullman Loaf	1 loaf (thinly sliced)	The best choice for clean-cutting crustless sandwiches.

Instructions

Phase 1: Preparing the Cucumber (Crucial Step)

1. Slice: Use a mandolin or a very sharp knife to create paper-thin slices of the English cucumber.
2. Salt and Draw Moisture: Lay the slices flat on a layer of paper towels. Sprinkle very lightly with salt. Let them sit for 15–20 minutes (you will see beads of moisture form).
3. Dry: Firmly pat the cucumber slices completely dry using fresh paper towels. This prevents the sandwiches from becoming soggy.

Phase 2: Making the Tangy Spread

1. Whip Cheeses: In a bowl, combine the softened cream cheese and the softened goat cheese. Beat with a spoon or electric mixer until smooth and fluffy.
2. Flavor: Stir in the chopped fresh dill, lemon juice, salt, and white pepper. Mix until just combined. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed (it should be tangy and bright).

Phase 3: Assembly (Do this close to serving time)

1. Spread: Lay out two slices of your Soft White Pullman Loaf. Spread a thin, even layer of the goat cheese and dill mixture on both slices.
2. Layer: Arrange a single layer of the patted-dry cucumber slices evenly on one piece of bread.
3. Close: Top with the second slice of bread (spread-side down) and gently press down.
4. Cut: Trim all four crusts off cleanly. Cut the sandwich into two rectangles or four small triangles.
5. Chill: Cover the finished sandwiches with plastic wrap and a damp paper towel (to maintain moisture) and chill until serving.